Baby: 6 Week Update

This should have been a happy post. But, it’s not. At least it’s not a terribly happy post.

Over the weekend I started to wonder why my symptoms weren’t worse? Why wasn’t I throwing up? Did things seem to be feeling better instead of worse. I also couldn’t shake the feeling that something was bad with my numbers. My HCG was only at 212. I frantically emailed my doctor and she got back to me and said that a wide range is common but we could check them to make me feel better.

My HCG only improved to 240 in a week. And my progesterone is only at 6.

She said I need to be checked for miscarriage, blighted ovum or ectopic pregnancy.

I was devastated. I am ashamed to admit that I cried and cried. I thought it was over, or at best it would take a miracle to keep this baby alive.

Well, that’s still true. Things look really bad. I sent this to my doctor this morning. I hoped ( after talking to some friends last night) that maybe things would be better if I had some progesterone.

I will go for that first thing in the morning. I was really upset last night, but I’m trying to stay calm for the baby. I have everyone that I know and people I don’t praying so I’m going to keep hoping for a miracle until we get more news.
Is it possible that progesterone would help the pregnancy progess? Is that something that we’ll know more about after I take the test tomorrow.
I’m sorry to bother you with more questions. But, I want to do anything I can to help this baby.
Thank you!

Then I got this from one of her nurses:

Mrs Kari, there is nothing to be done except to repeat you blood work Thursday. We are very sorry.

I guess there may not be hope, huh? My heart is breaking. I was so excited about this baby. I feel like it’s all my fault. If I wasn’t so stressed out and had been so upset maybe this baby would have lived. I feel like the death of the baby is all my fault.

We decided a long time ago that if we ever got pregnant we would name even the babies that we miscarried. We had heard a cute story of Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner on the set of Valentine’s Day and decided that we would name the first baby Taylor. It’s a cute name for a girl or a boy. So, this baby is Taylor. I hope that this baby will live and Taylor will be just a part of this name. But, I wanted to acknowledge this pregnancy, call this child by name and be able to pray for it by name.

I don’t think there’s much hope now after hearing from the nurse. RJ is trying to get in touch with my doctor to see if there is any hope. I am trying ( in vain) to stay calm. I’m so upset. I’m trying. I was buoyed by praying with two of our pastors this morning and then the email from the nurse really deflated me.

All I can say is thank you so much for the prayers being lifted for us and please ask you to continue them.

Please pray for Taylor’s health and development! Pray that Taylor will grow strong and that I’ll be able to carry the baby to term.

Please pray for me (Kari) please pray that I can stay calm. Please pray that my body will somehow be able to grow more HCG and that my numbers will start climbing!

Last night, we spent a lot time crying and praying. I want to spend as much of this day as possible happy for my sweet little Taylor.

Taylor, if you never make it here, I’m so sorry I wasn’t a better mommy. Please, honey fight- grow- if you can! I love you so much and I will love until there’s no more breath in my body. If Jesus takes you to be with him right now I’m going to want to follow you so badly. But, I will tell people about you and you will never be forgotten in my heart. You were my first baby! Mommy’s going to try and relax and pray for you today! Do you know how many people are praying for you!? So many! So, please if you can and if you are still fighting, grow! I’m going to pray for you today. But, I love you always- whether I kiss your check for the first time in Heaven or here on earth nine months from now. For the rest of this day and until my blood test results tomorrow you are alive to me and I love you! I rejoice in your life and we love you!

Thank you so much for all the prayers and we ask that you please pray for my health and Taylor’s development.  Pray Taylor will survive and thrive and be our miracle baby! Thank you and may God bless each of you.

6 weeks pregnant mommy and daddy

6 weeks pregnant mommy and daddy

Symptoms- still sore, some bloating, some upset tummy and definitely tired. We rejoice in every physical symptom because they give us hope of your life! Taylor your mommy and daddy love you forever! We hope to get good news tomorrow. It would take a miracle, but our wonderful beautiful God is the author of beautiful miracles!

He Said:
I’m so sorry to say that I feel extremely burdened right now.  In addition to the goings on with Little Taylor, things are looking uncertain at my job too.  I’m so upset, and wish there was so much more I could do.  I want to be happy for the time we’ve had so bad, but I can’t right now.  I feel like if I had been a better provider and a better husband, then this wouldn’t be happening right now.  I’m praying so hard that everything be okay.  We had a talk with the RN in the obstetrics department today, and it sounded like she was saying that in her opinion it didn’t look like Taylor was going to make it.  But we’re having tests tomorrow that will guide us more from there.  But Taylor is there right now fighting, and we’re praying, and that’s all we’re promised.  None of us can be sure of tomorrow.  So I too choose hope.  Please give us any prayers for our little baby that you can, because somehow I really think God is just letting this happen to show how great he is when Taylor is okay.  Charles Stanley said on a sermon we saw recently that God is the Great Physician, that’s why all the ones down here are just practicing.  I’m probably mangling that quote to death, but after talking to the nurse it sounds like we’re leaning on the best doctor there is right now.  Please Pray.